Presence

Sometimes, a bad day gets in the way of even the best intentions.

I had my second night of yoga last night. After the day I experienced, my practice was anything but focused. My mind was on all the things that went wrong. I was heavy in my movement, hardly caring about what I was doing. The whole class was thumping and bumping through the flow. I was sore from the day before, trying to push myself too hard and not listening to my body. Normally, when I go to yoga, whatever burdens me is lifted. Tonight, it didn't work that way.

It was a disappointment after the motivation and intention that filled me just the day before. I treated the practice as just another thing I had to do, and that didn't work.

This morning, I did 20 minutes of yoga. The same thing occurred - I just did it because I was supposed to, and I didn't really think about what I was doing. Where did the intention go?

This week is themed "Presence". I'm not doing very well thinking about what I'm supposed to be doing. Maybe it's because I haven't made any radical diet changes, but whatever it is, I hope it clicks eventually. I don't feel like I'm actually on a journey, like I'm doing anything differently. But these are the early days, and I'm sure I'll feel that way soon. For now, I'm having trouble with it.

Realization

I really have to do this. Like, actually 100% do it. (This hits pretty hard after a celebratory night at Las Velas - if you have the chance to go there, GO).

After reading the introductions to Baptiste's book, it hit me that I'm ACTUALLY GOING TO GO THROUGH WITH THIS. I didn't pay a chunk of change just to get some extra yoga. I could've done that without the book, without the guidelines, without a new diet. This is a serious, six-week lifestyle change that I know I could not have successfully done a year ago, but I think I can do it now.

So I'm setting my intention. I'm actually going to do every part of the program. I'm not going to use the "oh, it's just one night" excuse when I want to go out with friends or when I'm too tired to practice. 100%, go for the gold style.

First thing to do is have a conversation with my man to let him know what I'm doing and ask for his support. I think he'll be with me. :)