Today begins week three of this adventure. At least fifteen minutes of meditation morning and night, and 45 minutes of yoga a day. Focus: Equanimity. I'm nervous about 15 minutes of meditation...
Update on my faith challenge: We went to church this morning at a different location. I can't find the words to correctly explain to you the positive impact a new church had on me. The vibe was entirely different. I fell in love with the priest almost immediately; his message was right on point with what I needed to hear. People actually SANG - the place felt alive and worshipful. The hymns were inspiring and the readings thoughtful. By the end I was holding back tears because of how much of a difference it made.
That said, I think it's worth me trying someplace new again next week. I know I can come back to that church, but I want to make sure I don't just settle because it's comfortable. This is a challenge, and I need to continue to explore my options and my feelings. Finally feeling relaxed and alive after a service is a very small step in this very big journey, but it's one I'm so thankful I was finally able to take.
Update on my practice: I've really enjoyed yoga in the morning. I'm truly surprised at how nicely it sets the tone for my day. Before I started this challenge I practiced at night because I've never considered myself much of a morning person, and it works in my schedule better, so waking up to practice is foreign to me. It's difficult to get in to because I'm so tight and tired, but once I start a good flow it's an incredible experience. The relief at the end is an awakening rather than relaxing - perfect to cultivate an uplifted spirit to carry me through the day.
Today's class was focused on holding equanimity through the poses, so we held each pose longer. The challenge was to find a place where we weren't struggling too hard but still worked at the pose. I was really enjoying this different style... until the very end when the instructor said, "Set your mats for frog." I had heard of the pose but never experienced it myself.
It's a hip opener, maybe the strongest in yoga. I have extremely tight hips which have caused me serious back issues for years. Our instructor continued to tell us not to give up, negative thoughts would continue to come through our minds and our bodies might want to fight it, but just breathe through it. She equated it to a difficult time in our lives and how we handle that kind of emotion.
In just a few minutes, I experienced every emotion I know. I began in a comfortable place, focusing on breath, but after a little while I had tears streaming down my face and was battling for air. It was an awful feeling, stuck in this pose with nowhere to go but further into the pain. It truly reminded me of being extremely upset at something and wanting to just give up. I could hardly stand it. But I focused on breathing, recomposed myself, and moved through it. I was so proud of myself that I was able to move through that pain and bring myself out of it. It's something I need to work on a ton more, both in yoga and in life, but one small step at a time.
Much more to come!
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