Let's look back at the week just a little. We already know about my cereal freak out. What did I learn? That setbacks are just that - setbacks. They do not impede the real life changes I'm making, whether they be dietary, emotional, physical or spiritual. One night of hitting the cereal box is not going to make a big difference. Moving forward and not giving up is so very vital. I'm glad I kept going.
I think I figured out why I felt so awful, too. I really tried to work with dairy... I just can't. It's not going to be a viable part of my diet when it makes me feel that bad. I really need to get to a doctor to figure that out... sometime.
This week taught me that sometimes it's okay to give in a little. We had a dear friend over on Friday night and headed to the bar. Only had one drink, but had a burger and coleslaw, too (only half the bun!). There were no good options at this bar, but I did what I could and just enjoyed the evening. My biggest setback of the week heading to the Melting Pot for cheese and chocolate. I did some very serious soul searching before I left... I think I rationalized the choice every way possible. But it happened. I felt guilty all today. I couldn't shake the feeling that I had made a horrible mistake even though I had an absolutely wonderful evening. But at the end of yoga practice today, the instructor said, "Forgive yourself for all the screw-ups you've had, and start fresh now." There are so many good things to be done. I'm not going to let my diet let down this week ruin all the good things that have happened so far.
Same goes for meditation. I only had two days this week that I got 15 minutes for both morning and night. Some days it was 8 and 15, others 15 and 10... it was a very difficult few days for this. At points my emotions were too strong, and I couldn't sit with them. I know the point is to stick with it through those, but I thought I was going to stop breathing I got so anxious. So I stopped. I hope this week I can sit longer through those feelings when they bubble up.
One positive meditation moment came when I realized I was using my meditative state to focus better - to just "be". When I found I was unfocused in a class or in church today, I brought it back to my breath, thought about what I was doing, and then refocused on the task at hand. That felt so WONDERFUL to be able to do! My mind wandered less, and I didn't feel like I needed to focus on 50 things at once.
This coming week's theme is restoration. I plan to restore my intentions with this process, and give it 1000%, regardless of this past week's potholes!
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